Ok.
After the misery that was yesterday, and how badly I took things, I just took the day off and kinda lost it.
I should have gone in right in the morning, ignoring the fact I couldn't bring myself to go to the bank.
That was the real sticking issue.
Anyway, when I got there in the evening, Matt was alert, talkative and more cerebral than I'd seen him in a long time. We had a frank discussion about his symptoms, what he's going through and everything.
I am so relieved.
We talked about stuff going back to our first round of radiation and chemo.
I learned some things. We really connected.
And things went well. Because it puts this stuff in perspective, and assures me I'm getting the full story. A part of my worry was that I wasn't hearing about everything, and that it was as bad as it looked because of phantom badness lurking beyond my view. That, if nothing else, will really set me off.
The nurses are more relaxed. I'm a bit concerned for his lead nurse, I think she could use a vacation and some quality time with people who aren't dying. It's clearly not affecting her competence yet, but I feel inclined to pray for joy in her life.
We further discussed his case and some answers about his earlier symptoms are not forthcoming yet. We are waiting on an analysis of a cardiologist. Though I was told that a delay like this is usually a good sign. It means that the tech didn't say, "You know, you REALLY should look at this soon."
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