Day 18. (Part 1)

Tuesday.

Matt woke up without pain.  He was happy, awake and chatted quite a bit this morning.
Feeling vindicated. Thank you Rad doctor for noticing his under-reported pain yesterday.
We have a plan for some other issues thanks to that energy that Matt had.

Now I get to visit the TRMN folks this morning before Radiation.

Woot!

Roll Pods!

Day 17.

Monday.

Monday was just busy without really accomplishing anything notable to the outside world.

Radiation. Refill the Pump. Talk with more doctors.

 Go fourth and buy all that stuff I keep forgetting to get.  Get home late, and struggle with sleep.

This is night two of my struggle with anxiety.  It was not so glorious this time around.
However, last night, while shopping, I did experience a brief flash of peace and stability... which was pretty awesome. Not a common feeling in the middle of shopping.  So yeah, Melatonin is some good stuff.  And my overall stress levels have been much more manageable, so we are on the right track.

Matt was hit pretty hard today, though the Rad doctor thought he was having too much pain.

So he doubled Matt's Contin meds... which were sub-clinical for his weight.  That night, we give it to him.

Day 16.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

I got up...
We did Matt's meds. Got him food. Got myself food, fed the cat. (Getting him food is quick and easy. Mine is more complicated, so I start mine then get his then eat.) Mass is going to be 12:30 at St TM.
I wish I knew even one person at the local parishes. All my church friends are in Chicago.

There's hardly anyone my age at StTM, or any of the parishes I get to around here. I'm too much of an outlier, of the sort you don't often see in the Burbs.  Well, at least... not the burbs around here.

I'm 40, married, Catholic and I don't have kids.  Who does that?

No one around here, apparently.

Anyone who veers from the script tends to be looked at with suspicion, or, best case, lumped as "charity case" and not "friendship material". Not to say it didn't happen in the City, but at least there you had enough variety to find those who weren't pod people.

Besides, there are no conservative parishes in the diocese of Gary. Sure, there are parishes saddled with conservative priests, but that's not the same thing.

If I hear "Gather us In" one more time, I think I might kill somebody. Why can't we treat God like God for a change? Do they even Aquinas?!  Can we have reconciliation that lasts more than freaking half hour once a week? Notice we are talking about parishes with thousands of families a piece.  Why am I consistently treated like I'm asking too much?!  The saints would weep, I swear.

Later that day...

Yep. I was dragooned into taking the last gasp mass in this area, from the parish rather infamous for it's weak music.  Yet, today, it didn't suck.  I'll never be quite happy with "Taste and See" but it's not that bad, and that was as close to my rant as they got.

The priest was on point and I felt both humbled and inspired.

Third, I found a parish not far away that has reconciliation four times a week, and an additional three times on Sunday.

I figured out when their English Sunday Mass will be, and plan on attending next week.

Day 15

Saturday

Today is a day of rest. I'm finally catching up on my reading, and we are finally catching a breath.

So It's pretty boring.

As for Matt: tumor is a fraction of it's former self, but sitting down without pain is still an issue. Arguably, the pain issues are accelerating because of the radiation. Ironically that also means it's healing.

As for me:  I'm still dealing with deep seated tiredness issues, and straining to find ways to recoup some deep reserves energy.  Most of my classical methods require more energy and concentration than I have at the moment.

Oh, and I'm also catching up on some of those tasks that have been dropped for the past month while I dashed around in emergency mode. It's going slower than I'd like, but until my reserves are refilled at least a little, that's probably prudent.

And thanks to friend M, I talked to a friend, Dr. N.  Okay, he's Dr N in a month. But still.
He suggested some things I could do for sleep.  Thank you Jesus.  And Thank you, Dr. N.  Turns out my local "open late grocery" with the seemingly overdeveloped vitamin/supplement section does not  have what he recommended, but there is always tomorrow.  And I will make an exception for my usual rule to avoid shopping on Sunday. If the Sunshine co-op on steroids doesn't have it, the GNC will. I think both of those are open.

But there is another bene for going out tonight to look for things.  I got yogurt. And that is the first time since we got home that Matt has truly been interested in food.  WIN!  That was a Dr. N suggestion I should have thought of, to be honest.  But that's a portion of what doctors do... remind you of the things you should know that seem less important than  CANCER! CANCER! CANCER!

When in fact, it's those little things that make it possible to get through something like this.

Day 14

Friday.  (Sorry about the delay. Soooo tired.)
Matt came home today. Even survived the going to the Chemo place, pain sweat and all.  We came home with the pump.  Then I went out for food, then for groceries, then home.  Now Matt wants a warmer blanket. A sign of the apocalypse?  No, just chemo. (will be updated with more detail soon)

Day 13 pt 2.

I visited him late. Learned a lot, but didn't retain much as I was already tired, preparing the house for his return. This time it was an adventure in laundry making... that didn't flood my basement or involve a Kafkaesque trip to the landromat.

It was a nailbiter, but the basement is dry. Hallelujah, hallelujah.

I discover he's coming home tomorrow.

Considering how groggy he is, this is a good thing. He just got his first bit of the second stage chemo thing today.  Knocked him right out.

But I got home and could not sleep.

Day 13. (Part 1)

Thursday. Part I.

Maybe he will come home today, maybe he won't.

Radiation was early, even before I got up.

But now we hear that he's getting more blood. Truly, Matt's vampire heritage is showing.  This is truly odd, considering he hasn't had bleed problems -- that I know of--- in quite a while.

   Matt thinks there's too much going on for him to come home before evening, if he leaves today at all.  It's just a matter of me getting as much done as I can before the decision is made.